"You start to think 'it's not so bad here.'" A joke e-mail being circulated among contractors in Iraq.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
You know you've been in Iraq too long if:
Ã You start to think "it's not so bad here".
Ã You say "this place sort of grows on you".
Ã You say, "it feels cooler today" and find out that the temperature is 110.
Ã The term "trailer trash" is a term of endearment.
Ã You call your tent (trailer if you're lucky) 'home'.
Ã You get excited at the idea of ICE.
Ã Apaches excite you much more than Blackhawks or Kiowas
Ã You don't jump when a door slams or someone drops something.
Ã You aren't alarmed when every second person you see has a gun . . . or two . . . or three.
Ã You kick the M-16 on the floor aside without a second thought when you sit down to eat in the Dining Facility.
Ã A Gloc or 9 mm on a lady's hip is considered sexy.
Ã Mortars and rockets sounds are "okay" compared to Vehicle bombs (IED's).
Ã You can measure distances based on explosion sounds.
Ã When a "Red Alert" sounds and you're leaving a DFAC, you rather go back in and have more coffee instead of seeking shelter in a bunker somewhere.
Ã You know the difference in sound between "incoming" and "outgoing"
Ã You get excited at the prospect of seeing the latest gun camera videos
Ã $5 for a dvd is a little pricey...especially if there is only one movie on it.
Ã If you can't find a new movie a day after it is released in theatres state side you are disappointed.
Ã Sitting around with your coworkers talking about different ways to be killed is considered "water cooler talk".
Ã You are soothed by the sounds of helicopters flying six feet over your trailer.
Ã Bullet holes in cars are no longer alarming.
Ã Car selections consist of "hard" or "soft", not Cadillac or Mercedes.
Ã Road trips consist of 6 vehicles and large caliber weapons.
Ã Driving on the sidewalk is normal.
Ã Driving on the wrong side of a divided four lane street is normal.
Ã Hit-and-run fender benders are treated as mere warnings.
Ã You get upset that you don't get C-130 Frequent Flyer Miles.
Ã Your carry-on luggage includes a flack jacket and helmet.
Ã Driving through the traffic circle of death has lost its thrill.
Ã If they had had one, you would have paid every dollar you had in your wallet for a bottle of frozen water one very long day at BIAP.
Ã You enjoy waiting 45 minutes for the toilets to refill.
Ã It's ok to brush your teeth with the brown water that comes out of the faucets.
Ã KBR buzz cuts begin to look stylish (even on girls).
Ã Flies don't even hang around the truck drivers
Ã You have your own roll of toilet paper stashed in your tent/office and car.
Ã You are not surprised to see someone performing morning ablutions in the office restroom
Ã A shower with water that is neither to cold to hot and contains no mosquitoes is a priceless unattainable luxury.
Ã "Texas Barriers" are something other than a device to keep Texans out.
Ã "Jersey Barriers" are something other than fences to keep Holsteins away from Jerseys.
Ã You begin to believe that project construction being blown up only twice a week is progress.
Ã You get excited with the presence of clouds.
Ã You know ten times as many South Africans as you've ever known before.
Ã The security guards are Ghurka or South African.
Ã You look forward to Mohammad's Mango ice cream as the treat for the day.
Ã Powdered eggs taste ok.
Ã You consider plastic ware the Palace China.
Ã You can distinguish inherent qualities of various plastic utensils.
Ã The quality of the plastic utensils becomes a hot dinner topic.
Ã Having to separate plastic plates causes you undue stress.
Ã Lettuce for your salad becomes a luxury.
Ã You believe that bacon and ham should be grey in color.
Ã No matter what animal you are eating, it will be flavored with curry.
Ã Scamming a 3rd can of soda makes you feel like you got even with someone.
Ã You are putting on weight because the Saddam's Revenge Diet no longer works.
Ã Going to another mess hall is an adventure.
Ã Putting Thousand Islands on your hamburger bun instead of mayo/mustard/catsup is normal.
Ã You automatically pick up two plastic forks whenever beef is on the menu at the DFAC
Ã You accept the fact that fajitas do not require tortillas
Ã Sliced hot dogs on a pizza served in a Chinese restaurant is good eats.
Ã You have ever considered leaving for a brownie and some milk during a mortar attack at the palace.
Ã You think desert combat boots look great with shorts.
Ã Sand between your thong sandals actually feels good.
Ã The color white is no longer an option.
Ã Speedos for security guards seem right.
Ã You can recognize 12 different camouflage patterns.
Ã You've given up on shoe polish.
Ã T-shirt sizes at the PX are: M, L, XL, XXL & KBR
Ã You get a big smile when you see your pressed clothes at the laundry.
Ã You get a bigger smile knowing they didn't lose your laundry.
Ã You get the biggest smile when you get back someone else's laundry and now you have more underwear then before.
Ã You think the bullet holes in the roof of your trailer is just another form of ventilation.
Ã You get upset because the post office won't ship your looted artifacts.
Ã You haven't had water from anything other than a bottle for months on end.
Ã You consider broken sandbags just a new beach expansion.
Ã The idea of a double wide is only for the fortunate or very powerful.
Ã Forgetting your military ID makes you feel naked...but pants are optional.
Ã A bootleg of the new stateside release is not available at the PX 2 days later.
Ã "Only one rocket has hit the camp" is excellent news.
Ã Cardboard boxes have become substantial pieces of furniture.
Ã Stars & Stripes seems to be a liberal newspaper.
Ã Acronyms become the acceptable language.
Ã It feels normal to have to run outside to make a cell phone call.
Ã You call your coworkers as soon as new T-shirt patterns arrive at the PX.
Ã "Can you hear me" takes up 50% of your cellular telephone conversations.
Ã You realize it is Saturday or Sunday because no one from DC/Houston phones.
Ã Your conversations with co-workers are sprinkled with "Roger that" and "Good copy"
AMP Section Name:War & Disaster Profiteering
- 174 War & Disaster Profiteers Campaign