IRAQ: You've Been in Iraq Too Long If....

"You start to think 'it's not so bad here.'" A joke e-mail being circulated among contractors in Iraq.
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You know you've been in Iraq too long if:
Ø        You start to think "it's not so bad here".
Ø        You say "this place sort of grows on you".
Ø        You say, "it feels cooler today" and find out that the temperature is 110.
Ø        The term "trailer trash" is a term of endearment.
Ø        You call your tent (trailer if you're lucky) 'home'.
Ø        You get excited at the idea of ICE.
Ø        Apaches excite you much more than Blackhawks or Kiowas
Ø        You don't jump when a door slams or someone drops something.
Ø        You aren't alarmed when every second person you see has a gun . . . or two . . . or three.
Ø        You kick the M-16 on the floor aside without a second thought when you sit down to eat in the Dining Facility.
Ø        A Gloc or 9 mm on a lady's hip is considered sexy.
Ø        Mortars and rockets sounds are "okay" compared to Vehicle bombs (IED's).
Ø        You can measure distances based on explosion sounds.
Ø        When a "Red Alert" sounds and you're leaving a DFAC, you rather go back in and have more coffee instead of seeking shelter in a bunker somewhere.
Ø        You know the difference in sound between "incoming" and "outgoing"
Ø        You get excited at the prospect of seeing the latest gun camera videos
Ø        $5 for a dvd is a little pricey...especially if there is only one movie on it.
Ø        If you can't find a new movie a day after it is released in theatres state side you are disappointed.
Ø        Sitting around with your coworkers talking about different ways to be killed is considered "water cooler talk".
Ø        You are soothed by the sounds of helicopters flying six feet over your trailer.
Ø        Bullet holes in cars are no longer alarming.
Ø        Car selections consist of "hard" or "soft", not Cadillac or Mercedes.
Ø        Road trips consist of 6 vehicles and large caliber weapons.
Ø        Driving on the sidewalk is normal.
Ø        Driving on the wrong side of a divided four lane street is normal.
Ø        Hit-and-run fender benders are treated as mere warnings.
Ø        You get upset that you don't get C-130 Frequent Flyer Miles.
Ø        Your carry-on luggage includes a flack jacket and helmet.
Ø        Driving through the traffic circle of death has lost its thrill.
Ø        If they had had one, you would have paid every dollar you had in your wallet for a bottle of frozen water one very long day at BIAP.
Ø        You enjoy waiting 45 minutes for the toilets to refill.
Ø        It's ok to brush your teeth with the brown water that comes out of the faucets.
Ø        KBR buzz cuts begin to look stylish (even on girls).
Ø        Flies don't even hang around the truck drivers
Ø        You have your own roll of toilet paper stashed in your tent/office and car.
Ø        You are not surprised to see someone performing morning ablutions in the office restroom
Ø        A shower with water that is neither to cold to hot and contains no mosquitoes is a priceless unattainable luxury.
Ø        "Texas Barriers" are something other than a device to keep Texans out.
Ø        "Jersey Barriers" are something other than fences to keep Holsteins away from Jerseys.
Ø        You begin to believe that project construction being blown up only twice a week is progress.
Ø        You get excited with the presence of clouds.
Ø        You know ten times as many South Africans as you've ever known before.
Ø        The security guards are Ghurka or South African.
Ø        You look forward to Mohammad's Mango ice cream as the treat for the day.
Ø        Powdered eggs taste ok.
Ø        You consider plastic ware the Palace China.
Ø        You can distinguish inherent qualities of various plastic utensils.
Ø        The quality of the plastic utensils becomes a hot dinner topic.
Ø        Having to separate plastic plates causes you undue stress.
Ø        Lettuce for your salad becomes a luxury.
Ø        You believe that bacon and ham should be grey in color.
Ø        No matter what animal you are eating, it will be flavored with curry.
Ø        Scamming a 3rd can of soda makes you feel like you got even with someone.
Ø        You are putting on weight because the Saddam's Revenge Diet no longer works.
Ø        Going to another mess hall is an adventure.
Ø        Putting Thousand Islands on your hamburger bun instead of mayo/mustard/catsup is normal.
Ø        You automatically pick up two plastic forks whenever beef is on the menu at the DFAC
Ø        You accept the fact that fajitas do not require tortillas
Ø        Sliced hot dogs on a pizza served in a Chinese restaurant is good eats.
Ø        You have ever considered leaving for a brownie and some milk during a mortar attack at the palace.
Ø        You think desert combat boots look great with shorts.
Ø        Sand between your thong sandals actually feels good.
Ø        The color white is no longer an option.
Ø        Speedos for security guards seem right.
Ø        You can recognize 12 different camouflage patterns.
Ø        You've given up on shoe polish.
Ø        T-shirt sizes at the PX are: M, L, XL, XXL & KBR
Living Conditions
Ø        You get a big smile when you see your pressed clothes at the laundry.
Ø        You get a bigger smile knowing they didn't lose your laundry.
Ø        You get the biggest smile when you get back someone else's laundry and now you have more underwear then before.
Ø        You think the bullet holes in the roof of your trailer is just another form of ventilation.
Ø        You get upset because the post office won't ship your looted artifacts.
Ø        You haven't had water from anything other than a bottle for months on end.
Ø        You consider broken sandbags just a new beach expansion.
Ø        The idea of a double wide is only for the fortunate or very powerful.
Ø        Forgetting your military ID makes you feel naked...but pants are optional.
Ø        A bootleg of the new stateside release is not available at the PX 2 days later.
Ø        "Only one rocket has hit the camp" is excellent news.
Ø        Cardboard boxes have become substantial pieces of furniture.
Ø        Stars & Stripes seems to be a liberal newspaper.
Ø        Acronyms become the acceptable language.
Ø        It feels normal to have to run outside to make a cell phone call.
Ø        You call your coworkers as soon as new T-shirt patterns arrive at the PX.
Ø        "Can you hear me" takes up 50% of your cellular telephone conversations.
Ø        You realize it is Saturday or Sunday because no one from DC/Houston phones.
Ø        Your conversations with co-workers are sprinkled with "Roger that" and "Good copy"
AMP Section Name:War & Disaster Profiteering
  • 174 War & Disaster Profiteers Campaign